Who Will Be Our King

When I listen to and watch what is happening during this debate and legal challenge to the traditional definition of marriage, I'm reminded of what the Bible says regarding our basic problem as human beings. We are in fundamental rebellion against God and against His right to reign. Jesus told a parable in which He describes Himself as a nobleman who goes away to receive a kingdom and in the meantime places His estate in the hands of some servants. The citizens rebel saying, "We will not have this man reign over us" (Luke 19:14). That's the problem in a nutshell. It's not a matter of whose preference wins in some legal debate. It is a matter of submitting or not submitting to the Lord and Creator of the universe as the rightful ruler.

 The writer of the Psalms describes this same thing in Psalm 2, "The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the Lord and against His Anointed, saying,  'Let us break Their bonds in pieces and cast away Their cords from us'" (Psalm 2:2-3). We are in revolt. We will have our way! We will sever the bonds that tie us down and keep us from having the total freedom we want and believe we deserve.

What's God's response? ^"He who sits in the heavens shall laugh; The Lord shall hold them in derision.  Then He shall speak to them in His wrath, and distress them in His deep displeasure" (Psalm 2:4-5). The passage goes on to explain that the God of the Universe has installed His Son as Lord and has given Him the nations as His inheritance. The earth is the Lord's, not ours and He will govern it in any way He pleases and establish any laws and rules He chooses. Who can say to Him, "What are you doing?" (Job 9:12). Our responsibility is to find out what the King wants and do it.

What does the Psalm writer say is going to happen when God's Son receives the nations as His inheritance?

"You shall break them with a rod of iron; You shall dash them to pieces like a potter’s vessel.  Now therefore, be wise, O kings; Be instructed, you judges of the earth.  Serve the Lord with fear, And rejoice with trembling.  Kiss the Son, lest He be angry, And you perish in the way, When His wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him" (Psalm 2:9-12).

Notice what the prudent course of action is for the kings and the judges of the earth. Submit to the King of the universe, the one who made the earth and everything and every person in it. But people scoff. They say these are archaic beliefs to be relegated to the past. It reminds me of something St. Peter wrote,

 "...knowing this first: that scoffers will come in the last days, walking according to their own lusts,  and saying, 'Where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation.'  For this they willfully forget: that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of water and in the water,  by which the world that then existed perished, being flooded with water.  But the heavens and the earth which are now preserved by the same word, are reserved for fire until the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men" (2 Peter 3:3-7)

We cannot flagrantly violate God's created order without paying the consequences-- if not now, later. Peter tells us why there is a delay in the judgment, "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9).

It's time to repent!

How Marriage Pictures Christ

Watchman Nee, in his book The Normal Christian Life, got me thinking about an interesting topic. In Ephesians 5, Paul is writing about marriage. In verse 31 he quotes from Genesis 2:24 which says, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." In the next verse he says an amazing thing. He says that this is a mysterious thing but that he is speaking about Christ and the church.

So the amazing thing is not so much that a man and his wife become one flesh, but Christ and his church become one flesh. Watchman Nee points out that this is one of the few, or perhaps the only time when Christ is viewed as fulfilling a pre-fall event. When Eve was created, God put Adam to sleep and from him he created his wife. Adam said, "This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh."

Jesus also, in his death and burial slept in a sense. He actually had died, but sometimes in Scripture death is referred to as sleep. Out of that death and subsequent resurrection and ascension, the church was born. Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:30 "For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones." He uses similar terminology that Adam had used -- "flesh" and "bones".

Jesus uses a different metaphor in John 15:5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing." Our life and effectiveness are determined by how much of his life is at work in us.

Jesus, through his death, resurrection, ascension, and pouring out of his spirit has multiplied himself over and over in the church. Christians are part of Christ and he continues to live and move and be active in the world through us.

Protect Your Wife from Fear

My purpose in writing today is to encourage husbands to help their wives in overcoming their fears.

1 Peter 3:7 says, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with [your wife] with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."

In the verse 6, Peter had encouraged women to follow Sarah's example of godliness and as part of that encouragement he told them that they would truly be her daughters if they do good and are not afraid with any terror. The HCSB translation says it this way, "if you are not frightened by anything alarming." That is a major goal of Christian growth for women. But it seems to me that we as husbands have a major responsibility in helping her in this process. That is why we were told to live with them with understanding and giving them honor.

My point today is to encourage you as a husband to be the kind of protector of your wife that God wants you to be. Verse 7 of this passage tells men to dwell with their wives with understanding as the weaker vessel knowing that both husband and wife are heirs together of the grace of life. We are to understand that our wives are prone to various fears and it is our responsibility to help them so that these fears can be minimized or eliminated. Everyone has fears of one kind or another. Do you know what sort of fears your wife is especially susceptible to? If not, you need to work on your level of understanding of her needs and desires so that you can discern those fears.

This works itself out in several ways. First, I think it means we shouldn't belittle their fears. If we live with them in an understanding way we will not imply that their fears are stupid. That approach doesn't help them with any fears they may have and instead it makes them hold their fears inside and  may reduce their trust in our ability to protect them.

Second, we should be careful about what information enters their mind and heart. They don't need to know about every news story we have read that involves murder, kidnapping or rape. I'm not suggesting censoring or monitoring their TV viewing. I'm just saying we shouldn't bring extra things to their attention that they don't need to hear. In a similar way we need to be careful what we watch in their presence. We may enjoy a good murder mystery, but if such programming causes them to be afraid, we should forego our own preferences in order to serve them.

Finally, we need to be careful not to raise fears about our faithfulness in our love and the marriage promises we made.  As Christian men we have made a promise to love and protect our wife and we must be faithful to that promise and not give her anything to worry about. We've recently known two families that have been ripped apart by men who have broken their marriage promises. These men have put their wives in a position where they are fearful for the future -- fearful for their future well being, their means of income, their provision for their children, etc. This kind of behavior is wrong for a Christian man. We should not put ourselves into any sort of situation which will cause our wife to fear that we are lacking in loyalty or integrity.

Peter tells us that if we are not providing for our wife in an understanding way, our prayers can be hindered. What kind of Christian can we be if we can't have an effective prayer life?  Let's be men of character and men who have a solid relationship with Christ; men who protect our wives and families and who help to alleviate their fears rather than aggravate them.

Biblical Manhood Loving Your Wife - Part 4

The other issue is found in I Peter 3:7. We are told here to dwell with our wife in an understanding manner, giving her honor as the weaker vessel. There are a couple of things to think about here.

First, we are to live in an understanding manner. That takes initiative and effort. It also takes listening! We need to learn to understand the characteristics of women generally and our wife in particular. This takes careful listening and practice. We need to learn not to react, but to ask questions and probe, seeking to understand without making belittling comments. We aren’t right just because we are thinking like a man. Our wife wants to be thought of and understood as a person and not as merely an object of her husband’s sexual passion.

Second, we are to give honor to our wife. That is why we open the doors for her, wait for her to go first and serve her in any way we can. Maybe when you sit down to eat you could refrain yourself and your children from eating half of your food before she even gets to sit down. How’s that for a practical application?

Finally, the passage tells us the reason we should do these things is because she is the weaker vessel. This is not a slam against women. It is the truth from God. Many women seem to be confident, able to lead, and secure. In fact some men feel inadequate when comparing themselves with their wife. But the truth is that your wife is the weaker vessel. She often feels vulnerable and inadequate in ways you might not ever suspect. So learn to love her and respect her and honor her as the weaker vessel and she will be greatly encouraged and strengthened in her role as wife and mother.

Biblical Manhood Loving Your Wife - Part 3

There are two additional issues related to loving your wife in a biblical manner. In Colossians 3:19 we are told to love our wife and not to be bitter against her. Nowhere is the wife directly told not to be bitter against her husband. Obviously bitterness against others is not right, but I take it from this passage that men are more prone to bitterness than women in the marriage relationship.

There is a tendency for men to believe that women should think like they do. The reality is that men and women think differently about virtually everything. When a man doesn’t understand his wife’s thinking and behavior, he can become bitter. When she doesn’t adopt his frame of reference, he can misunderstand what’s going on and become bitter. This passage is a warning to make sure we are alert to the root of bitterness that may grow. Hebrews 12:14, 15 tells us to seek peace with everyone and to be careful about a root of bitterness growing. This would be especially true in the marriage relationship.

We’ll look at the second issue next time.

Biblical Manhood Loving Your Wife - Part 2

According to Ephesians 5:27, Christ’s purpose in loving the church is to sanctify and cleanse her with the Word so that He might present her to himself a glorious bride without spot or wrinkle. I don’t mean to imply a wrong motive to Christ here, but it is clear from this passage that His work and ministry in His church is so that He will be able to present her to Himself. Not only does He want to present her to Himself, but He wants what He presents to Himself to be glorious and without spot or wrinkle. In order to do that He undertakes the ministry of cleansing and sanctification.

This is exactly what a man is supposed to do in loving his wife like Christ loved the church. A husband is to minister the principles of Scripture to his wife and serve His wife in a Godly way using the Word of God in such a way that his wife grows more beautiful, clean and holy as time goes by. And as a practical result, he reaps the benefit more and more as the years go by.

The bottom line is that he is to love his wife as he loves himself because in actuality, when he is loving her, he is loving himself because the two have become one. Many men, on the other hand, neglect their wife or don’t minister to them in a way that causes their beauty to increase. Instead they become hard, cold and cynical. When this happens, obviously the man hasn’t loved his wife the same way Christ does the church.

Biblical Manhood Loving Your Wife - Part 1

This is a very important study of Ephesians 5. I discovered these principles well into married life and I wish I had understood them much earlier. As we begin our study in verse 25, we find that a husband is supposed to love his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church. I used to think of this in terms of doing kind things for your wife or protecting her from danger, and so forth. However, there is much more to it than this. Verse 25 tells us that the way Christ loved the church is that He gave Himself for it so that he could sanctify and cleanse it through the Word. It’s important then to think about how we as husbands could love our wives in the same way.

Let’s look at it step by step. Christ’s purpose is to sanctify and cleanse the church using the Word. Our ministry to our wives should be to do the same thing, although not in the same way that only the Son of God could do. Sanctification means to set apart for a special purpose. We should sanctify our wife in such a way that she is a holy person, dedicated to God and to her husband. You should not look at your wife as one among many women, but as that special woman that God has brought into your life and to whom you have committed your life and devotion.

There is a special service we should be doing for our wife in the area of the Word of God. It is our responsibility as the husband to be a man of the Word and then to take that Word and use it in the life of our wife. The flow of spiritual life, teaching and application should be from the husband to the wife and not the other way around. It seems that most frequently the wife is more spiritually attuned than the husband is and this is a reversal of God’s plan.

Sexual Purity

A couple of weeks ago, I discovered a series of messages on purity given by Josh Harris. He is the man that several years ago wrote the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. Since that time he has become senior pastor at Covenant Life Church in the Washington D.C. area. This is an excellent series for each of us to listen to because it lifts up the importance of sexual purity and magnifies God’s view of marriage. The messages, especially the first three or four, are straight forward and mince no words in the teaching that God created us as sexual beings and set the standards for living pure lives within the boundaries God has designed. I don’t know if I have ever heard this clear of instruction from the Word of God on this topic. I recommend the series for anyone who wants a deeper understanding of God’s intentions for our purity.

The series is in 6 parts and for now at least can be found and downloaded free of charge from the Covenant Life website here:

www.covlife.org/sermons

A Father's Love

One of the things I’m trying to do as I meditate on various passages of Scripture is to think through how it applies to the various roles I have as a man. Besides admonitions to me generally as a man, I consider how it affects me as a husband and then as a father.

If you’ve been following the previous posts you know that we have been thinking together about agape love. Peter had told us to add various traits to our faith with the pinnacle trait being love. We’ve thought a little bit together about this kind of love expressed toward our wife. I now want to think a little bit about what it means for a father to have this kind of love.

Love is patient. It bears long. It is mild and slow in seeking to get even. How are we doing in this area as a father? There’s a fine balance. We are to be patient and to bear long, but we are responsible to give our children the right kind of discipline and that usually means responding in a timely way to their poor behavior or disobedience.

Love is kind. We know what kindness is. Are we kind to our children? What about when they have been disobedient? God disciplines us with kindness. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to bear or doesn’t hurt. We need to treat our children with kindness and respect.

Love does not envy. It is not zealous and angry over some benefit, characteristic or skill the other person has. Are we being a good example in this area in our home?

Love does not puff itself up. A loving man will not act in a puffed up way toward his children. It’s not right first of all, and secondly, we don’t want to be the wrong kind of example for our children.

Love does not boast of ones abilities or extol his own virtues.

Love is not rude. It is not unbecoming and crude. As we relate to our children, we must behave in a way that is appropriate and becoming of a Christian. No rude or crude treatment of our children should be a part of our lives.

Love does not seek its own way. How hard is this one? We are supposed to be the leaders in our homes. We are to be the head. Doesn’t that mean we should seek our own way? The leadership we have should be a godly selfless leadership. This should be true as it relates to our children. We have the position where we could dictate virtually every decision in the family. However, love does not seek its own way. It’s ok to let the children have their way once in a while. I’m not talking about giving in to their misbehavior. I’m suggesting that if the kids want to go to McDonalds but you would rather have a Burger King, it doesn’t hurt to submit your will to theirs.

Love is not irritable. It is not easily stirred to anger nor is it easily riled up. Even though the behavior of my wife or children may be such that would rile up or stir up a natural man, these same events occurring in the life of a loving man will not rile him up.

Love is not resentful. It does not think evil of the other person or what the other person has done. Discipline and punishment should not come from a resentful heart or motive.

Loving our Wife, Continued

I’m still thinking about the importance of agape love in a marriage relationship especially as it relates to the husband’s role. As I read 1 Corinthians 13, my attention is focused on 9 concepts. I may come back and visit these in more detail in the future, but for now a short comment about each one will suffice.

Love is patient. It bears long. It is mild and slow in seeking to get even. So it’s important to ask myself how I am doing in this area. Do I carry grudges? Do I try to make sure everything is evened out? Hopefully not.

Love is kind. We know what kindness is. Am I kind to my wife? …all the time?

Love does not envy. It is not zealous and angry over some benefit, characteristic or skill the other person has. Are we being a good example in this area in our home?

Love does not puff itself up. A loving man will not bear himself in a cocky, arrogant way. He will not act and behave as though the whole world revolves around him. How are we doing guys?

Love does not boast of ones abilities or extol his own virtues.

Love is not rude. It is not unbecoming and crude. This is an area where we men have to be careful. We are not women and it is inappropriate to try to develop the softness of character that a woman has. However, there is no excuse for being rude or crude. Even though men are hardened and tough, we need to be able to treat our wife and family with kind politeness.

Love does not seek its own way. How hard is this one? We are supposed to be the leaders in our homes. We are to be the head. Doesn’t that mean we should seek our own way? The leadership we have should be a godly selfless leadership. We don’t need to get our own way unless our way is a godly way in contrast to a sinful or worldly way our wife might choose. But really, how often does that happen? God humbled Himself and took the position of a servant. This is God’s expectation for us as well.

Love is not irritable. It is not easily stirred to anger nor is it easily riled up. Even though the behavior of my wife or children may be such that would rile up or stir up a natural man, these same events occurring in the life of a loving man will not rile him up.

Love is not resentful. It does not think evil of the other person or what the other person has done. Colossians 3:19 tells us that we are to love our wife and not to be bitter or exasperated toward her.

Take some time to read and reread these basic 9 characteristics of godly, biblical love. How does your level of love stack up against the standard? If you’re like me, it doesn’t come close to being what God would like it to be. And yet, this is what Peter told us we should be diligent in adding our life.

Loving our Wife with God's Love

As I’ve been studying the traits listed in 2 Peter 1:5-8, I’ve come to the last one in the list which is agape love. We men have a tendency to skip over details in the attempt to finish a project. The same thing happens in our study of the Word. Therefore, in order to avoid that tendency, I began to think through what’s involved in adding and increasing this kind of love in my life as it relates to my role as a husband. Scripture of course is not silent on this issue, so follow along as I work through this a little bit.

Ephesians 5:25-28 says the following: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.”

The word “love” in these verses is agape – the kind of selfless, giving love that God has for us. This love does not flow from feelings and emotion, although both may be present. Rather, this is the kind of love that gives without expecting anything in return.

A husband, then, is to love his wife in exactly the same way that Christ loved the church. What Christ did out of love for the church was to give Himself for her. Similarly, we husbands should give of ourselves for our wife. Christ of course gave His life and there is a sense in which we need to be willing to give our life to protect our wife. But probably more difficult than this is the fact that we are to be giving ourselves for our wife all of the time. This means that there will be sacrifice. We will not be able to do all of the things we would do if we were single. Not only will we give up some of the things we would rather do, love does this without becoming bitter or resentful in the process. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that love does not seek its own interests. Rather it gives itself for the interests of others.

Continuing in Ephesians, Paul explains the purpose for the self sacrifice—“that He might present her to himself a glorious church …that she should be holy and without blemish.” While we can’t provide ourselves as an atonement for our wife, our goal should be similar. As the head of our wife, we are to love her by helping her to grow in her faith and relationship with Christ. Our efforts should be focused on increasing her holiness and godliness through loving ministry of the Word to her.

If you’re like me, an immediate reaction to this thought is, “How am I supposed to do that when I’m not so sure of my own holiness and godliness?” That thought should bring us to the motivation to become the man God wants us to be in our own relationship with Him so that we will then have the resources to help our wife in her spiritual walk. What a tremendous this responsibility this is. When we say, “I do” on our wedding day, we are taking on this commitment.

The unfortunate thing is that we do not seem to be getting this message across to the young men we are raising in our churches and we do not seem to be teaching our young women to be looking for this desire and characteristic to be present and growing in the life of the men they date.

It would be interesting to get an online discussion going on this topic and the implications for dating and courtship in our society.

Brotherly Love - Our Wife

Brotherly love (kindness) and our spouse. Now there’s a topic for you. If we are to add brotherly kindness to our lives, it must fit in somehow with our interaction with those around us and that certainly would include our wife. Brotherly love in the Greek is philadelphia. The kind of love involved here is different from agape love in that it is more like tender affection. It is even used of the love the Father has for the Son in John 3:35. The interesting thing is that this word is never used in a command for us to love God in this way. Brotherly love conveys the thought of cherishing the object of love above everything else and is characterized by constancy. (Thoughts taken from Vines Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words.)

So in thinking this through it seems to me that we should exhibit this kind of love toward our wife. We promised to love and cherish her above all others when we said our vows on our wedding day, but how easy it is to get into a selfish mode of living. Other passages we have looked at speak of kindness and giving preference toward one another. Have you ever thought how much easier it is to give preference to co-workers and to be polite and considerate of them more so than it is to have these same characteristics toward our own wife? If you think about it, shouldn’t it actually be the other way around.

May God help us as we diligently add brotherly kindness to our lives, especially toward our wife.