Life Lesson - Pick up your stuff!

Another life lesson that I had to learn in that small context of camping in a pop-up is that things need to be put away. You can't just take stuff out and leave it out because a small camper would soon be overwhelmed if everyone did that. I suppose there are some men who have the innate knowledge and habit to only take out one thing at a time and then put it away when they're finished. That is what we learned in kindergarten, but it never did get ingrained in my nature and so I tend to strew things until I frustrate myself enough with my mess that I pick it all up and make it neat again. That's the way it is with my desk and closet for example.

I have that same trouble with tools. I can't tell you how many hours I have spent looking for a certain wrench, trying to remember the last project where it was needed and then finally finding it with a screwdriver and tape measure right where that project had been completed three months ago! I'm still missing a sledge hammer and ax that were probably left leaning up against a tree somewhere years ago.

In the small confines of the camper, I learned that I need to put away what I take out. If I take off sneakers in order to put on sandals, the sneakers need to be put away otherwise someone will trip over them or a cabinet door won't be able to open. When we are finished with a meal, the dishes need to be done and put away immediately because there are other things waiting to use that space.

Now when I say I learned this lesson, it means that it is much more up front in my mind, but my nature is to leave things out. I've heard so many people say about different areas in their life, “That's just the way I am.” And this is the way I am, but it is not right. God is a God of order, structure and organization and I believe that He wants us to be the same way since we are made in His image. Therefore as I have gotten older, I have become better at putting things away as I finish using them. It's not easy for me, because it takes every ounce of energy I have to force myself to put that hammer back on the pegboard or that tape measure back in the tool box. It only takes a minute and I know that, but it goes against my nature. But I'm learning.

So, men, here's my message for you today. Pick up after yourself. Don't make your wife do it. It's not her job. I'm trying to make it so that I don't leave tracks. I try to wipe up spilled milk, sweep up sand I've tracked in, and put away books I've been reading.  When we leave things laying around we  make more work for our wife plus we make it more difficult to teach our children the importance of putting their things away. So begin today. Force yourself to think about each thing you are tempted to leave out. Did you take off your shoes so you could lie down on the couch? Then walk them to the closet and put them away. Or at the very least when you get ready to go to bed at the end of the day, pick up all of the things you've left laying around and put them where they go. Can your wife tell you got out some cookies for a snack? Are there crumbs on the counter or the open box still sitting out? Put everything away and clean up your mess.  It's pleasing to God, makes less work for you wife and provides a good example for your children.

Life Lessons - Deference

Some life lessons are best learned in a miniature situation. For me, a couple of these lessons came through camping. I was not raised to be camping person, so I started camping as an adult with my wife and family. In our early years of camping we used a tent, but soon graduated to a pop-up camper. If you've never camped, you may not have a sense of how small an area you have to work with, but suffice it to say, not everyone in a family can be up milling around at the same time. Patience is needed because you may have to wait for another person to finish getting her jacket out and putting on her shoes before you can take your place at the “kitchen” table to read. If you are already there reading, it may be that the frisbee that the kids want to play with is located in the bin under your seat. So you need to get up and move completely out of the way so that they can get the frisbee. This means the seat and back cushion need to be moved out of the way. This in turn may result in another person having to move a little to make room for this maneuver. It tests the willingness of each one to make allowances for the needs and desires of others.

So one key life lesson I've learned is that patience and deference are necessary and important. Deference means to give way to what others want to do, to allow them to do their thing before I do mine. That is, after all, what love is all about and God wants us to learn the lessons about love because that's the way He treats us.

Philippians 2:3, 4 says, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” This pretty much sums up God's desire for us as Christian men. We are to esteem others as more important than ourselves. This means in the home we are to value the interests of our wife and kids more than our own interests. That means that when I want to do something and my wife or kids want to do something else, I need to weigh their desires with greater value than my own. This is not easy, especially for men.

All kinds of excuses come to mind. For example, if I always defer to my wife, I might never get to pursue my own interests. When we start to think like this, we begin to read into Scripture limits on what God expects of us. Surely he doesn't expect us to be deferential to the extreme, does He? Think through what you know about the Bible and about God and tell me where the end comes. God sacrificed in the extreme to demonstrate His love toward us and He wants us to go to the extreme to sacrifice for others. This is not easy.

The life lesson, magnified to me through the camping experience is that I need to be willing to defer to others and their needs and desires. If it means continual interruptions of what I'm trying to do, so be it. Others have interests in what they are trying to accomplish as well, so why would I think my things are more important than theirs? May God give each of us men the grace to live lives that demonstrate the deferential character of love.

Lessons Learned in Life - Budgeting

Previous article is here.

Before the days of computers, my dad had an envelope budget system. I'm going to describe it to you so that you will understand the gist of how good budgeting works. Each person can adapt the illustration to his own situation.

My dad knew what his take-home pay would be for a year. He figured out how much it cost for groceries for a year, about how much the family paid for clothes, what the electric bill would be, etc. He got paid by the week and so he took each of those expenses and figured out how much would be represented each week. Perhaps groceries would be $30 each week. (This isn't now, it's way back!) Maybe rent would be $20 per week. Insurance might be $15. You get the idea. He would cash his check and then physically put the appropriate amount of money in each envelope. The envelope marked “groceries” would receive $30. The “rent” envelope would receive $20. We believe in tithing and so $15 would go in the tithe envelop to be given to God's work.

If every conceivable expense category was taken care of and if there was money left over, he could put some in a “fun” envelope and for sure some went into an “emergency” envelope.

If you actually do this physically, some interesting things happen. For example, one of the children needs shoes that are going to cost $40. There's only $30 in the clothing envelope. If you must have $40 shoes, what has to happen? You have to physically take $10 out of some other place. You could take it out of the insurance envelope. But your insurance costs are fixed at a certain amount. By taking money out of there, you are just going to have to take it from somewhere else when the insurance bill comes due because the insurance envelope will be short. So you are forced to think about where that money will come from. You have to think about that even though there may be $452 in the envelopes all together. If you had that money in a checking account, you would buy the shoes and not think about where it's coming from. But with the envelope system, you have to make decisions.

When I first got married, I used this same approach but instead of actual envelopes, I kept track in a notebook how much money was in each “envelope” even though most of the money was in the bank in a checking account. Even though I might have $800 in the bank, I might only have $40 in my “fun” “envelope”, and so I couldn't just spend $80 on some special outing for the family. Later on I moved on to computerized accounting. But the point is you need to know where the money has been allocated. Not knowing is what causes so many problems for families when it comes to spending.

Let's go back now to the desired stop at McDonalds. What if dad, before leaving home looked in the “fun” envelope and saw that there was a $20 bill in there and that is the one he used at McD's. In that case there wouldn't be a problem. Another scenario might be that there was only $4 in the “fun” envelope. That means that they cannot make the stop that might be so enjoyable. But everyone, including dad, wants that enjoyable treat so much! They can't afford it. But everyone is going to be so disappointed! They can't afford it!! Even though dad has $20 in his wallet, it is actually allocated for something else. They can't afford it!

If you don't budget, you don't know you can't afford it. If you do keep track of your spending, then you can make intelligent decisions. For example, mom may plan ahead and give dad some money out of the grocery envelope so he has money for a family treat. She can do that. Budgets don't control, they inform. But if she does that, she will have less to spend on groceries. She might be OK with that, but the good thing is that she knows the decision she is making. Or... maybe they could just stop at the grocery store and buy some ice cream, and make sundaes at home. That might work.

What drives people nuts is that they want everything. We don't like this budgeting scenario because we want to be able to have our treats, the best shoes, the cable company with the most channels, etc. It can't be done! It's best to acknowledge this fact early on, make your purchases accordingly and I can tell you from experience that your savings account will grow and you will be amazed at how far the dollar stretches. If you keep spending money you don't have on things you can't afford, it will all eventually collapse on you. However, if you make wise decisions, stifle your desire to have everything, and save some money out of each pay check, you will find that your savings grows and you become less vulnerable to the economic conditions that happen to be blowing through at the time.

Lessons Learned in Life - Part 1

One of the things that has been on my mind recently is the need to share with my children and grandchildren some of the most important things I have learned in life. I don't know if you've experienced this, but there are things in many different areas of life that stand out as important lessons that have a profound affect on how we live our lives. Usually if we learn such lessons, life is better and more rewarding in many ways.

Another thing that I think is important is for the older generation to share those lessons with younger people so that perhaps they can learn from them and avoid some of the pitfalls that occur in life. So little by little as I think through these learning experiences and as I prepare them in written form to share with my family, I thought it might be helpful to share them with a wider audience as well so that whatever is beneficial in my experience may help others.

So, we'll get started today with something I learned about budgeting. What I'll try to do is if the topic is too long for one post, which it is today, I'll continue in succeeding days. New topics will appear sporadically as I finish them. They'll all be tagged under Life Lessons so that you can find them easily.

I was blessed to have a dad who taught me budgeting and a wife who understands thrift and careful shopping. Because of what I learned from them, God helped me to know what works best when it comes to using money wisely and saving for the future. I spent my career working as a teacher and administrator in a rural public school district. We decided early in our marriage that my wife would stay home and focus on our children as they came along. Through the years we were able to pay off our mortgage, pay cash for our cars, and send our kids to a Christian college debt-free. The principles that I'm sharing with you are based on biblical principles and actually work. We are a testimony to God's faithfulness in keeping His Word.

Whole books have been written on budgeting, but what I would like to do today is lay down a few principles that you may find helpful in making ends meet and the dollar stretch. What most people don't realize is that even if they don't budget, every dollar is spoken for and by not having a budget, you don't know who or what has claims on the money in your pocket.

Consider this scenario. You're out with the family and decide everyone might enjoy stopping at McDonalds for a frappe. For a family of five, that will cost you over $15. You know that you have a twenty dollar bill and a five in your wallet and so that's enough to cover it. You want to be a nice dad and you want your kids to be happy and so you stop for the treat. The problem is that there are bills and expenses coming down the road. Some you know about and some you don't. Most people I know don't have a lot of extra income compared to their expenses and so most dollars are spoken for. The fact is that even though the money is loose in your wallet, it is probably spoken for. There's a car insurance payment of $400 due next month. Maybe the $15 is part of that. Has your wife told you yet that Johnny needs new shoes? That's coming tomorrow. Maybe the $15 is part of that.

Before the days of computers, my dad had an envelope budget system. I'm going to describe it to you so that you will understand the gist of how good budgeting works. Each person can adapt the illustration to his own situation. 

 Read the rest tomorrow.