(Be sure to see the previous posts to
get the context of this article.)
How do these
principles apply in interpersonal relationships? What are some
truths to be found in this arena of life? 1) He who would have
friends must show himself friendly. (Proverbs 18:24); 2) Treat others
the way you want to be treated; (Luke 6:31) 3) Prefer others over
yourself (Romans 12:10); 3) Be kind one to another (Ephesians 4:32);
4) A soft answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1); 5) You can't get
inside another person to change them. There are many more.
So what are we to
do with these truths and others like them? We need to accept them and
embrace them and then live our lives and make decisions accordingly
even if our feelings scream out at us.
What should you do
about a person, let's say someone in your family or someone you have
to work with, who irritates you. How are you supposed to respond so
that you don't get frustrated and upset yourself. First you need to
accept and act on the truth that you can't get inside and change
them. So stop trying. When you speak to them, speak in a calm voice
and an even tone even if everything inside you is telling you to be
sarcastic or to respond with a certain tone that will let them know
how much you are frustrated. Treat them with respect. Do kind things
for them. Treat them the way you would want to be treated. Show them
genuine love and care.
Where are you
supposed to get this kind of love? Since I'm directing this lesson
toward those who claim to be Christians, your source of this kind of
love is the same love which you found from Jesus Christ. He loved you
when you were rebelling against him and were about as obnoxious as
could be in the sight of God. And yet, he extended his grace toward
you in incredible ways. Do the same to them.
“But,”
you may say, “If I do this, it will seem like I don't care that
they are miserable people to be around.” So? Why do they have to
know you think they are miserable to be around? Do you think a bad
attitude toward them is going to change them? Does it actually make
you feel better?
What if the person
is my spouse and I really want them to change so that our marriage
can be what it should be? All of the same truths apply. You can't get
inside them to change them and you need to act toward them according
to the truth that you are their spouse. So you need to act in love
and encouragement and not with put downs and negative speech. Treat
them the way you want to be treated. But what if they don't start
treating me back the way they should? It might be difficult to
accept, but you can't change that. You can only change yourself –
and then only barely it seems.
Begin to live
according to the truth and you will find your own attitude much more
calm, patient and much less frustrated. The Bible promises that a
spouse may change due to the attitude of the other. (I Peter 1:1-2.)
The Bible asks the
question about where quarrels and fights come from. The answer is
that we want something and don't get it, James 4:1. What do you want
from your spouse that you're not getting? Why do you think you
deserve it? How are you going to force him or her to give it to you?
I'm guessing your spouse wants something from you. Give your spouse
the very best. Give them love and acceptance. Give them time and
attention. If you are the husband, love your wife like Christ loves
the church, pouring your life into hers, encouraging her and building
her up in the faith. Expect nothing in return. If you are the wife,
give your husband love and respect. Respect him as the person whom
God has made the head of your home and submit to his leadership.
Expect nothing in return.
...to be continued...
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