As I’ve been studying the traits listed in 2 Peter 1:5-8, I’ve come to the last one in the list which is agape love. We men have a tendency to skip over details in the attempt to finish a project. The same thing happens in our study of the Word. Therefore, in order to avoid that tendency, I began to think through what’s involved in adding and increasing this kind of love in my life as it relates to my role as a husband. Scripture of course is not silent on this issue, so follow along as I work through this a little bit.
Ephesians 5:25-28 says the following: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.”
The word “love” in these verses is agape – the kind of selfless, giving love that God has for us. This love does not flow from feelings and emotion, although both may be present. Rather, this is the kind of love that gives without expecting anything in return.
A husband, then, is to love his wife in exactly the same way that Christ loved the church. What Christ did out of love for the church was to give Himself for her. Similarly, we husbands should give of ourselves for our wife. Christ of course gave His life and there is a sense in which we need to be willing to give our life to protect our wife. But probably more difficult than this is the fact that we are to be giving ourselves for our wife all of the time. This means that there will be sacrifice. We will not be able to do all of the things we would do if we were single. Not only will we give up some of the things we would rather do, love does this without becoming bitter or resentful in the process. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that love does not seek its own interests. Rather it gives itself for the interests of others.
Continuing in Ephesians, Paul explains the purpose for the self sacrifice—“that He might present her to himself a glorious church …that she should be holy and without blemish.” While we can’t provide ourselves as an atonement for our wife, our goal should be similar. As the head of our wife, we are to love her by helping her to grow in her faith and relationship with Christ. Our efforts should be focused on increasing her holiness and godliness through loving ministry of the Word to her.
If you’re like me, an immediate reaction to this thought is, “How am I supposed to do that when I’m not so sure of my own holiness and godliness?” That thought should bring us to the motivation to become the man God wants us to be in our own relationship with Him so that we will then have the resources to help our wife in her spiritual walk. What a tremendous this responsibility this is. When we say, “I do” on our wedding day, we are taking on this commitment.
The unfortunate thing is that we do not seem to be getting this message across to the young men we are raising in our churches and we do not seem to be teaching our young women to be looking for this desire and characteristic to be present and growing in the life of the men they date.
It would be interesting to get an online discussion going on this topic and the implications for dating and courtship in our society.
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